Mia and I have struggled with Codi’s passing. The first three weeks were especially hard. The next morning, as I walked into the master bathroom, I totally lost it. Codi liked to sleep on the tile floor between the vanity and bathtub. That empty space hit me like a sledgehammer.
We did a lot of walking and talking those first few days afterwards. It is hard to go anyplace in the neighborhood without being reminded of some goofball antic he did. I gave his remaining poop bags and treats to two of our neighbors with dogs that Codi got along with so well.
We did a hike in The Gorge that Codi would have hated because there was no shade and only one small stream that he would have gotten to wade in. It helped us process things a bit and we talked a lot about all the hikes he had done with us.
Slowly we have been getting back into something resembling “normal”. The evenings are still the hardest when the three of us would be hanging out in the living room. It is too quiet.
I work from home most Mondays and along with hanging with Codi all day I would also use this day as an opportunity to make my weekly sourdough loaf. This is the perfect example of the routine I need to stay in to take my mind off of missing him.
I had planned a camping trip at House Rock Campground east of Sweet Home, OR. It was one of the few areas in Oregon that we had yet to explore in any meaningful way since moving here. It sits on highway 20 which is south of the often-driven Santiam Pass and north of highway 126 which heads east out of Eugene.
I needed a total body beat down like the one I did that weekend. I had mapped out a 44 mile mountain bike loop using the Santiam Wagon Road, a wee bit of the McKenzie River Trail and some forest service roads. Ridewithgps.com had said the loop would be around 5400′ in elevation gain. Hard for 44 miles but “doable”. By the time I got back to the campsite it was 6200′ and I was totally cooked. There was quite a bit of blowdowns and detritus on the trail heading up to Tombstone Pass which was the highest point of the day.
Currently Mia is back in New Hampshire for our nephew’s college graduation from UVM. I’m living the bachelor life for ten days which basically entails watching some horror movies that Mia has no interest in seeing, cooking and reading. It is a rager!
and I get to burn some shit in the backyard!
I heard something about grief and mourning recently that described it as something that never goes away, it doesn’t get easier. You just keep going.
I think we’ve both been doing our best to find our “new routine”. We will forever cherish the time we had with Codi (and Guinness and Caleb before that). We will always miss him.
Thanks for reading,
-Pete
ON & OFF RHODES 